Saturday, January 2, 2010

Celebrities - what else???


I even surprise myself with the inordinate amount of interest and time I spend on pop culture. I can't help it. Andy Warhol said that when he got his own television set he had much less interest in spending time with actual people. Thankfully, I'm not that far gone but I can understand the escapism it provides us. And being the opinionated Virgoan that I am, I must espouse my thoughts on two men who leave me both disgusted and bewildered: TIGER WOODS and CHARLIE SHEEN. I know my feminist heart will hate me for this, but I consider Tiger to be much further up the moral echelon than Charlie. Yes, he is a liar, a cheater, an adulterer. However (and this is a HUGE "however"), he is not a wife beater. He does not hit women. He does not have a proven history of physically threatening women's lives. His and Elin's story will never closely resemble "The Burning Bed." How brave of AT&T and countless other companies to drop Tiger and yet they all keep their ads on CBS for Charlie's pathetic excuse of a painfully un-watchable sitcom. Why doesn't CBS stand up for the women of the world and can that fucker's sorry ass? I know the answer is money, but how sad is that? The only glimmer of hope from the whole pathetic scenario is that Denise Richards, who Charlie disgustingly smeared as "crazy," is now vindicated after he was arrested on Christmas day. Karma is real.

Now, on to something much lighter and trashier: J. Lo. I know she's now trying to be known as "Lola," which is beyond laughable, but at this moment, I have a serious bone to pick with Jenny from the block. First, what the hell was she wearing to Disneyland with her fam on Christmas? It looked like a festive Quacker Factory sweater. I mean, come on. You are JENNIFER LOPEZ! Just because it's a casual family day at the park with your babies Max and Emme and that troll husband Marc Anthony (who's celeb factor I will NEVER comprehend), doesn't mean that you have to forsake the glam. Some booty-accentuating J. Brands and a cute pea coat (isn't Michael Kors your bff - have him whip you up one!) would have been so much more appropriate. And sexy. And movie-star-esque. I can't wait to see what the gofugyourself girls have to say about this one.

As if xmas at Disneyland wasn't enough, La Lopez had to pull a complete 360 on Dick Clark's rocking New Year's Ever special with the world's most unflattering and hideous catsuit. Yes, a CATSUIT. A one piece monstrosity that unbelievably, no one told her looked like ass. Even with her ass. The performance was just as bad as the outfit. She can't even lip synch right. And the routine with her plethora o' gay dancers just felt dated. Fred is right - Lady Gaga puts all these other girls (or in J. Lo's case forty-somethings) to shame.

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