Wednesday, September 22, 2010

J. Lo and Jumpsuits and Steven Tyler's Shirt?, Oh My...


With everything going on in the world, I'm still as intrigued as any other pop culture devouring whore about the upcoming Simon Cowell-less season of American Idol. "How will they ever replace him?" I wondered. I also thought, "How could the dreck 'talent' get any worse?" Like the proverbial trainwreck we all can never look away from, I pretty much watch A.I. religiously from January to May. And even though Simon was a sharp jerk at times, Fred and I always 100 percent agreed with his "constructive" critiques. (Cowell will also always have a special place in my heart as well because I had a vivid dream of, ahem, a sexual nature about him when I was preggers, but that my darlings, of course, is for another blog at a another definitive time).

The official announcement today of Jennifer "J. Lo" Lopez and Steven "Awesomely Aerosmith" Tyler's appointment to the A.I. judges table was not a shock to anyone in the western world. These names have been floating around for months and they are already past the point of water cooler banter. Howevs, nothing could have prepared me for the outfit choices La Lopez and El Tyler thrust upon the world at the press conference. First, you know you are in trouble when Randy Jackson outshines you in the couture department. His silver shoes are slammin.' Unfortunately, nothing about Jenny or Steven is. She is - AGAIN (remember New Year's Eve?) - sporting an ultimately disappointing JUMPSUIT! I hate these f-ing things. So unflattering and my god, the pants are TAPERED at the ankles. W.T.F??? Furthermore, what the F is Steven sporting? Where are the scarves? Where are the obscenely tight pants? Where's the funky footwear? I know you have them because I distinctly remember you buying a pair of cuban heels at Fluevog on Newbury Street when I worked there. Oh, it's all been replaced by a black blazer with a black floral shirt and some basic black shoes. The horror...the horror...Lulu for once has been rendered speechless.

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