When I first caught a glimpse on my feed of fashion stylist L'Wren Scott's death a few weeks back, I felt a mixed tinge of sadness and guilt. Sad because anytime anyone young and vibrant dies it's well, sad, but guilt because I felt extremely jealous of Ms. Scott. A lot.
Jealousy is one of the many issues I try and work through on my yoga mat. It's a constant struggle. I want that big house. Why does Kate Moss get that body? Surely Gwyneth and Chris are happier in their new $14 million Malibu manse than I am in my 1965 ranch home. If my life was more like that of the uber glamorous L'Wren Scott, I'd have more access to my samadhi. Or so I thought.
Scott was a fashion stylist and designer who worked with Hollywood's elite. Nicole Kidman was her client. Gorgeousness abound. And she dated Mick Jagger. Red lipped, over six feet tall (I'm only 5'5" - WHY????), and always impeccably dressed, she seemed to create the path that rock wives such as myself could only dream of aspiring to. I saw an interview with her a few years ago where she talked about one of her hobbies: buying vintage jewels! I knew she wasn't talking about the plastic crap my mother hauled out of bubbe's dresser. This was Sotheby's, Christie's, and other dealers-of-antique-carats-so-exclusive-I-don't-have-a-clue-as-to-what-their-name-is personally delivering the goods to wherever Scott and Jagger were currently residing: London, Paris, NYC. It didn't matter. I salivated at the thought and hated that it was somebody's truth and not my own.
None of us will ever know what Scott's complete truth, or satya, was. As we all know now, she hung herself with an Hermes scarf. When I read that horrifying detail of her death, the guilt of jealousy morphed into a spine tingling empathy.
Speculations abound: her business was going under! Mick was leaving her! The other Stones didn't want her on the tour! Whatever.
Here's what can drive one to the brink of hanging off a door handle from an Hermes scarf: Intimacy. It takes on a whole new meaning when you share your life with someone who shares his life so intensely and personally with so many different people. I have no idea what it's like to build a life with someone on the level of a Mick Jagger. But I do know what it's like to share a life with a working musician who builds immediate and intense bonds with everyone he works with in the studio making a record; on the bus traveling the world; on the stage sharing with fellow musicians every night; and of course, with an audience. Take that and multiply it by millions and we might get a glimpse of comprehending how much artists such as Jagger give of themselves. For some of us, its too much to handle. I know sometimes I feel like it is for me.
But I knew what I was getting into when I went on my first date with a certain drummer almost 20 years ago. And Scott surely knew what she was getting into dating a certain frontman named Mick. Following our path, or dharma, must be a somewhat conscious decision. We need to recognize the balance or union - or YOGA - to make it thrive.
I hope Scott is now shining her light. Godspeed dear woman. Godspeed.