Sunday, June 19, 2016

It Was 20 Years Ago Today

I was 21 when I married Fred in 1996. For reasons completely unknown, we had a big fancy wedding. I wore a crown. He wore a morning suit. Oy. Marrying Fred was the best decision of my life; the wedding, however, was not the best day of my life. Yesterday was. We had a big party celebrating 20 years, surrounded by the love and warmth of friends and family at home. Maybe what they say is true? 40 is the new 20. A connubial toast to my best half:

Remember when Jim and Cindy Walsh celebrated THEIR 20th anniversary on 90210? Brenda’s smarmy boyfriend Stuart Carson highjacked the party by proposing with that tacky diamond ring? Of course Fred does. Because he indulged me for god knows how many years of watching multi-episode per day reruns of one of my favorite shows - Beverly Hills 90210. You can have your Breaking Bad. You can have your Game of Thrones.; your Orange is the New Black. We had Donna, David, Dylan, Brenda, Brandon, Kelly, Steve, Andrea Zuckerman, and the owner of the Peach Pit Nat. I think this is one of the mysteries people ask about when they wonder how we are still together after all these years. I get a little annoyed when it's said that the key to a long term relationship is compromise. What a horrible downer of a word. I feel deflated just saying it. I rather think of successfully sharing a life with someone as a series of indulgences between each other. Sometimes they are serious. Sometimes they are Aaron Spelling.

When I met Fred - and even after I married him in 1996 - I kept my Madonna fandom/obsession on the down low. He didn’t need to know that on our wedding day, I chose Russian Red lips not because it’s the perfect blue-based red, but rather because MAC custom developed the color for her. Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Penn Richie. He knew I was a fan but i don’t think he knew how intensely I adored and connected to her. This secret worship was instantly revealed on a quiet day in 1997 when Fred indulged me with a three hour plus afternoon at the movies to see Evita. This truly was an indulgence because those are three hours he could never get back.  He could have been on the floor of our shoebox apartment on Beacon Street in Boston with headphones on listening to the new live Rush CD his bandmate Dave gifted him with. And I would have let him because I know marriage is a two way street. I tried to hold it together and act all cool but as soon as the Evita credits rolled, when Fred looked at me and asked what I thought, I burst into tears. Big, wet sloppy tears. It was embarrassing but I honestly could not help it - the parallels between Madonna’s life and Evita’s were not unfounded on me and they struck a seriously emotional nerve. How lucky I was to have found a man that I could share this with.

From one feminist icon to another, in her incredible novel Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte penned the perfect summation of my feelings for Fred. Heathcliff said of Cathy: “I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul.” That sums it up best. I couldn’t live without you. You are my life, you are my soul, and as our girl Madonna said of Sean in the liner notes of True Blue: YOU ARE THE COOLEST GUY IN THE UNIVERSE.  

*dress by Zara, boots Zadig & Voltaire, bee pin in hair Joan Rivers for QVC


  1. I don't know why my name is ouytegeht on here but it's me, Fred

  2. Aw. I love the tenderness of your relationship with Fred. You are skilled with words.